the bad days

im stuck in a vicious cycle.
on the good days, i seem to have come to terms with it.
i seem to have let go.
i seem fine, that is, fine but empty.
but at least i feel fine.

then the bad days.
i know the things that i've to do.
i know that i've to let go.
i've to forgot.
i've to move on.

and it seems like i've been learning to let go since forever.
and i keep learning, and relearning, just to find myself back at square 1.
staring at the hole in the heart,
wondering why and how did it happen.

yes, the hole.
sometimes it's there, so obvious that it hurts.
and sometimes i keep it under wraps.
by ignoring it,
by pretending that it isnt there,
by thinking that i've let go and moved on.
but it's there,
like a phantom limb,
haunting me.

how do i move on?
how do i forget?
how do i let go?

why is it that i never learn?

im stuck.

and i dreamt of you again last night.
the dreams always start the bad days.

oh well.