nothing but a shadow *

it was rather late at night,
and i was reading primate text.
it annoys me.
seriously. i don't get it half the time,
like in the chpts on sexuality, aggression, and attachment.
yi gong si mi??

so yeah.
i was tearing out my hair, reading that bloody book,
when my dad made 柚子茶 for me.
my fav.
but it's sweet.
so immediately, i was thinking,
urgh, it's so late, and this stuff's damn sweet.
bad for teeth.
he added ice in it, and im already feeling rather cold.

while my thoughts were running away,
my mom went "so good hor?"

and i realised.
i'm so negative.
you once asked me,
"where did the girl i knew went?
you used to be so positive, so vibrant."

i don't know.
i'm only her shadow.
and i wonder.
my friends,
will they still love me?
if i'm not me anymore?
will you?

in the process of relearning how to love and live life,
i've gotten so lost that i dont wanna try anymore.