胸が痛い。

i thought that i would have a few days to relax before going back to hk,
resigned since ive signed my letter of appointment with the clinic.

but then, my granduncle passed away.
so things got much busier than i expected.

it's emotionally draining.
and my heart hurts everytime i think abt what my fav aunt went through.
flying back from ireland, only to see your dad vomit blood in front of you, and die after that.

she broke down so many times,
i didnt know what to do.
she was overwhelmed with grief, i was overwhelmed with helplessness.

and it doesnt help that we didnt see him.
my grandpa refused to see him because he was afraid that if he did,
granduncle would tell him what to do and just pass away, like how phonecard grandpa did.
and he didnt allow me to see him due to the same reason too.
he wanted to wait til cny was over.

so we didnt see him one last time before he passed away.

why do i have so much regrets?

i'm tired.