zoo 25/8/08

once again,
the weather was nice and cooling at the zoo!
the weather god really loves us.

thank you, we love you v much too!

the nice cooling weather made ALL the animals lazy.
not only our baboons.
haha.

it's our first time doing focal sampling today.
my first recording was so chaotic,
i wonder if wifey will have problems transcribing.

oh yes, if you were wondering,
fling promoted me to wifey the other day.
haha!

anw, my comp is really slow these days.
im damn sad. sigh.

i was talking to chewie the other day.
and my beliefs remain i guess.
in love, there must be trust.
there is noone that wants to be a security watchdog,
when he/she can be a lover.

watchdog, you ask?
well. i mean.. there are many cases of paranoid partners ard,
checking on their partners constantly,
forever suspecting their parters of infidelity.

some blame them for being overly sensitive.
but are they just plain overly sensitive,
or do they actually have a reason for such paranoia?

have you given your best,
so that your partner trusts you?
if you havent,
then you cant blame your partner for being insecure.

it's what happens when you're madly in love.
you become afraid of losing your partner.
esp when warning bells are ringing,
but you choose to ignore the signs.

and so you guard.
check the phone, check the clothes, call incessantly.
but love blinds you,
so you cant see that whatever you're doing,
sends your partner running in the other direction,
right into the arms of the 3rd party,
while you're doing everything else to stop exactly that.

i dont want my friends to become security watchdogs.
i want them to be loved.
but there's nth i can do,
except to be their warning bells i guess.

at the end of the day,
i really wonder about love.
it makes you lose all logic.
you get hurt,
yet you pine for the other person.

is it really worth it?
sometimes, when i look at relationship problems,
i really wonder, what's the evolutionary function of such love.
i see its value in parental love, sibling love..
but just not this love.

but then again,
without love,
there's no reproduction.
so it does have an evolutionary value,
just that it's not sth i appreciate now.

and well.
little x.
you hurt me all the time.
most of the time,
it's because you're hurting,
and there's nth i can do to stop your pain.

i'd give everything.
to protect you from the obsence,
to save you from the unclean.
but you wont let me.

instead, you just keep sinking.
into that deep abyss of depression,
refusing help from anyone,
refusing to save yourself.

and everything i see you in this state,
it breaks my heart.
you. break my heart.

说不出的痛,
不能诉的苦.

and i quote wifey's mom...
"真的有那么爱吗?",
and to which, i dont have the answer.