stabbed *

it's just you.
if it were others, i wouldnt be so hurt.
but since it's you,
i feel as if you just stabbed me in the heart.
over and over again.
as usual,
it wasnt something that you did,
but something that you didnt do.

it's like a recurring nightmare.
i cant control where everything's going,
but i always know the outcome.
instead of jolting out of sleep,
waking up due to fear.
i wake up due to the pain you've caused me.

i felt broken.

but then, after a while,
i suddenly went "you're not worth it. just not worth it."

but the thoughts that i think doesnt seem to matter.
especially when i keep suffering relapses when it comes to you.

let's just see if that thought stays around this time,
whether the nightmare will truly end this time.