[ l o w * ]

remember how i said..
numbness is a strange thing?
sometimes when you think that you have reached your limit,
that that’s all the pain you can bear.
and you turn numb.
then something hits you hard,and you hurt all over again.

he was one of those who thought that i was different.
different in a sense that i was a special girl.
he didn’t agree with the other bitchy aunts who ALWAYS said that im weird.
he shared things with me. things that he seldom told my other cousins.
he made me feel like im special.
even though it’s prolly cos my cousins never bothered to stick around to listen.

i started collecting phonecards cos of him.
=)
it was why i called him phonecard grandpa.
he was my mom’s aunt’s husband,
but i could nv remember the correct way of addressing him.
my bad.
so i started calling him phonecard grandpa instead.
cos he gave me really pretty phonecards to add to my collection.
it’s like how i called one of my mom’s aunts chewing gum aunty.cos i didn’t know how to address her either, and she always gave me chewing gum.

at least this time i had a chance to say goodbye.
but now i wonder, if having the chance to see a loved one once more before they leave is a good thing.
it pains me to see him suffering.
to watch his life being taken away so slowly, and not being able to do anything about it.
i cant breathe when he’s struggling to breathe.

why does my heart go on beating?
why do these eyes of mine cry?
don’t they know, it’s the end of the world?
it ended when you said goodbye.