[ s e c r e t s * ]

the thing about carrying secrets is that they've got a tendency to get heavier.

it's crushing.
and it makes you feel suffocated.
i cant breathe.

Another thing about secrets is that, like misery, secrets love company.
one secret leads to another, like how an innocent white lie leads to many more lies.
they multiply until they take you over.
until you dont have room for anything else.
until you feel like you're going to burst.

i feel like im stuck here, all alone.
ready to explode.
and im losing control.
i know, there're people who'll gladly listen.
but i couldnt take up your offer.
it's not that i dont trust you.
it's just that i dont trust myself.

that's why they're my deep and dark secrets.
i dont know how other people, other than chewie, will react.

ouch, chewie.
i cant breathe with all this pain.

i wished it didnt happen.
we never met.
even if we met,
i wish that we never got to know each other better.
even if we got to know each other better,
i wish i didnt fall for you.
why?
why you of all people?
why you? when i had so many other choices.
and i went to pick the one who i'll never ever have.

and you dont even see me.
cos im not good enough.

im not pretty enough,
and my heart's too broken.
i know i cry too much,
and im too outspoken.
but dont i make you laugh?
should i try it harder?
why do you see right through me?

every morning i wake up, i die a little more.
there's nothing to look forward to.
there's no more hope left.
and ive run out of faith.
i keep losing my way.

what's the point of trying harder?
when you know that after today,
the morning will still be broken tmr.
i dont see a point.
i dont have a path.
im just lost. and purposeless.