nothingness *

i cant stand it.
to see two of my best friends hurting,
and to be unable to help them.

i dont have the answers to their questions.
but what i really hate is my inability to take their pain away.

somehow, it seems that she really wants to get another bf so that she can move on.
but that isnt how it works.
i tried to tell her that we dont have to be in love to be happy.

but do we?
do i believe in what i say?
did i say that only because it's part of my defense mechanism?
like i've been hurt and i dont want to try anymore,
so i build walls around me and tell myself that i dont need to be in love to be happy.
is that what im doing?

she said i needed closure.
she's not the first to say that.
meangirl told me that too.

why did you just disappear?
is it because we were both too weak to say goodbye to each other?
or is it just me being too weak and you didnt want to see me break into pieces?

why did you just leave me here,
with nothing at all?

but im weak. and because of that, i'll nv get that closure.

somehow, im glad she convinced me to take the cab even tho i was against it.
at least we got to talk more.