ponderings *

my cousin's getting married tmr.
and in the midst of helping her prepare for her wedding,
i didnt sense that my other cousin was suffering.

somehow, im not very close to my cousins.
out of the whole grp, i always feel left out when im w them.

but that doesnt lessen the guilt of being so ignorant.

apparently, her bf cheated on her.
they've been together for 6 yrs? or more?

it's the 2nd story of cheater bfs ive heard this mth.
i get them almost every mth i think.

but these 2.. surprised me.

it makes me rather scared.
that they're so sweet on the surface,
but fucking cheaters inside.

and the more stories i hear,
the lesser faith i have in the opposite gender.

which is why i tell myself that i can make it alone.
you dont have to be in love to be happy.

am i afraid of getting hurt again when i say that?

but what's the point?
to be genuinely in love, you've to be open.
and when you're open, well. it's so much easier to be hurt.
yes, i know, no pain, no gain.
but is the pain worth it?

and i dont want to be in love,
just because i cant make it alone.
if i cant stand being alone,
it just means that i dont love myself,
that i dont accept myself for who i am.

and if you can't love yourself,
how do you love others?

but dont get me wrong.
i wish my cousin happiness in her wedding. =)

oh well.
to end with a lighter note,
chibi ohno!
とても　かわいいよ！！

image from ohnosatoshi.groups.vox.com