the young lady was highly intelligent, and seemed normal in every other aspects, except that she doesnt experience pain. As a child, she had bitten off the tip of her tongue while chewing food, suffered burns after kneeling on a radiator to look out of the window, etc. She felt no pain when parts of her body were subjected to strong electric shock, or extreme temperatures.
She had severe medical problems, and had to undergo operations to correct the pathological changes in her knees, hip, and spine. These were attributed to the lack of protection to joints usually given by pain sensation. She failed to shift her weight, or avoid certain awkward procedures, causing inflammation of joints.
She died when she was just 29 due to massive infections, and extensive skin and bone trauma.
I was suddenly reminded of what I read in e text while daydreaming just now. recalled about this episode I saw in grey’s anatomy, where this little girl cant feel pain. and she was suffering from a lot of internal trauma by the time doctors figured out what’s wrong with her, and realized that she wasn’t lying when she said she had a superpower - she cant feel pain.
It wasn’t a superpower really. cant rmb the actual reason why she cant feel pain though.
the paradox of pain.
im fearful of pain. i try to avoid it at all costs. im afraid of falling, so I stopped learning how to skateboard after I witnessed how my cousin crashed. im afraid of needles. it took me an hr to calm myself down so that I could donate blood for the first time. anita was soooooooo amused by me. bleahs.
to some extent, we’re all afraid of pain. it’s a natural instinct to avoid it.
once bitten, twice shy.
it’s hard to let go of ur burdens after u’ve been hurt once.
yet, I keep going back to the one thing that I need to walk away from.
your love was like candy. artificially sweet, and I was deceived by the wrapping.
it was also like cocaine. addictive, and I cant seem to quit.
and it hurts my soul, cos I cant let go.
all these walls are caving in, I cant stop this suffering. and I hate it, cos it shows that im losing control.
speaking of walls. so I say, once bitten twice shy. and I build walls. I surround myself with false defenses, and get a false sense of security by hiding in my own cocoon. it’s like denial. yet I cant seem to keep the walls up when it comes to this particular addiction.
what happened to my instinct to avoid pain?
and my point actually was.. no matter what we think, we still need pain at the end of the day. to keep us alive, we actually NEED pain.
so that justifies me hitting my head over and over again with a hammer. so that I’ll feel slightly better when I stop.
pain keeps us alive. it keeps us human.
I don’t care what others say about how communication, or the ability to think abstractly, gives humans the edge over our four-legged animal friends. it’s the ability to empathize with the pain of others that makes us humans.
because it makes me feel better when I know that someone out there actually understands how I feel when I say im in pain.
but how to we know when the pain gets excessive? when is pain enough?
emotional pain is the worst, but we’ve got to give credit to physical pain too.
how do we stop it?
but stopping it isn’t enough, u’ve got to get to the root of the problem and fix it, so that it’ll stop haunting u. I wished I had a cure.
I know pain.
pain’s like my best friend. I know mr emotional pain, and mr physical pain.
so when I found out that u’re in pain too… how should I put it?
突然有一种想要保护你的冲动..
I hope u see the doc for ur physical pain.
I’ve to say this again. ahha. isn’t it funny how we advice and nag at others to visit the doc when they’re unwell, yet we don’t practice what we preach when it comes to ourselves being unwell.
and I agree, we do contradict ourselves.
but pls go soon!
for the emotional part.. I feel you. I cant promise u that I can heal u, of course. only u urself will be able to do that. and even when u do, it wont heal perfectly cos there’ll always be a scar.. kinda like a morbid reminder of how u’ve been hurt before..
but if u’d like to, take my hand, and we’ll ride the pain out together. and even if we never get there, at least u had me while healing urself.
that’s if u don’t 嫌弃 my company, of course.
*hugs*
cheer up, i wrote this in blue.. for you! ahah..
gg mad with boredom.
and im still craving for pasta..
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