[ the people who matter.. * ]

My fav.
because i believe if you're my friend,
if you love me,
then you wont judge me.

which is why i scoff at those guys who judge what girls wear to school.
im not afraid of them judging.
but i know it's common,
like fiancee's friends will always make fun of her if she dressed nicely to class.
or how min n HW's hall friends will make so many horrible comments if they're dressed nicely.

but how dare you judge.
esp you slobs with the ugly flip flops, yellowing and tattered tee, with those shorts that should never even see the daylight.
go live in the drain.

我穿什么, 我做什么, 你管得着吗?
管不着, 就别管.
自以为是的家伙.

我爱.. 我行我素.

and yes, im defiant.
the more you judge, the more you tell me not to do it,
well well.
i'll do it all the same. x10.
especially when you're not nagging cos you care.
you're just applying your standards on me.
and who says that your standards are right for everyone.
ive got my own principles.
if you dont respect mine, why should i consider yours?

negotiate, not command.

and yes, ive got fire.
everyone has to have some fire in them.
keeps people alive.
helps them to stand up for themselves.

maybe. that fire i have, i dont know how to bank.
but if you didnt deserve it, i wouldnt have used it against you.

so that's why it's my fav.
the people who mind dont bloody matter.
so you can be yourself because you know the ones who matter will not mind.

but it doesnt always work this way..
but what if it's the people who matter that mind?
in some ways, i've gotten use to my dad's disapproval.
dull, chronic ache of disapproval.
but every now and then, something new comes along.
new and unbearable.
so sharp and piercing, that it makes the throat hurt too much to swallow.
suffocating.

yes,
perfection is too much to ask for.

so.. what if it's the people who matters the most to you, that mind?
does it mean that they actually dont mean that much to you?
since they mind?
but it'll never work that way...
for it's only those that matter, that you truly care about.
so.. it's only the disapproval of your loved ones that hurts you the most.

why must it be this way?